LDS Modesty for Girls: What is a Teen to Do?

The topic of LDS modesty for girls has been a hot one at church lately.   While we only have a handful of teenage girls in our branch, their dress seems to be causing some individuals’ concern.  As a matter of fact, Tony and I have had a couple of somewhat heated (more like snappy) conversations about Bethany’s wardrobe over the past month or so.

I do not enjoy shopping for clothes for my daughter.  While I completely agree with LDS modesty standards, I find it hard to find modest clothing in retail stores.   Polo shirts and plain t-shirts don’t appeal to my daughter.  She is more trendy and has her own personal style.  And I want to support her, but the trials we go through trying to find skirts and dresses that come more than half-way down her thigh (which, of course, isn’t long enough) are daunting.  Rarely, do we finish a shopping trip in under two hours and sometimes that time is spent in only one store.  Then, to have someone complain about the dress we spent hours picking out, just makes me want to scream.

So, for my Suite 101 article this week, I focused on LDS Modesty for Girls and wrote about the tips and tricks Beth and I use or have used to make mainstream, trendy clothes more modest.  The article also includes a link to a Catholic non-profit called Pure Fashion that teaches teenage girls how to live a standard of modesty using fashion modelling as the teaching tool.  I think the program is quite impressive.  AND, I found an online directory with a number of links to retail stores that specialize in modest clothing.  Some even specifically reference LDS modesty standards.  Now, to be honest, some of the clothing in these stores is frumpy and will probably not appeal to many teenagers; however, there is a great selection of wardrobe basics and some fashionable choices.   Some of the stores are expensive, but many are quite reasonable.

If you are interested in less provocative clothing for your child, I encourage you to check the article out.  Of course, you don’t have to be Mormon to prefer your daughter wear less revealing attire.  I just happen to be LDS and, as I mentioned modesty has been in the forefront of late.

Dressing in a way that shows a respect for ourselves and our bodies is something that is important to me.  I am not a fashionable dresser; quite the opposite actually.  I prefer t-shirts and jeans.  If I have to dress the outfit up, I’ll throw on a jacket.  But, I think it is important for me to respect the fact that my daughter isn’t me and she doesn’t like how I dress.  And so, the quest continues for a simpler shopping experience that will end with my daughter and I both happy with her purchase.  I am hopeful that I will be able to fill her dresser with layering tees and modest camis… And I’m really thinking about that fashion show.

Crossroads: Decision-making to Pull Your Hair Out

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When I was young, I marveled at my friends who seemed so sure about what they wanted to do when they grew up.  They had found their passion and they were following the path that would lead them to it.  They had a goal; they had a plan.  I had neither.

When I was young, I had no clue what I wanted to do as a career.  There were too many things I like to do.  I loved music.  I loved to sing.  I loved to play the piano.  But there was shame mixed in with my passion.  Fear to make mistakes.  Fear of failure.  Fear of success.

I loved to read and write.  I wrote stories and plays.  I created a magazine called “Girl’s Life” for my sister and her friend.  I read constantly.   In one summer, I read twenty books including Wuthering Heights, Atlas Shrugged, Anna Karenina and Gone with the Wind just to name a few.  I would get lost in the stories.  At times, I would find my mother standing in front of me yelling that it was dinner because I was so caught up in my book that I couldn’t hear anything around me.  Often, I would read until two or three in the morning and then get up at six-thirty to go to school.

Ah, but I loved business and management.  When I was fifteen, I got a job at David’s Cookies and Sedutto Icecream and by the end of the summer I was promoted to Assistant Manager.  Soon after that I was promoted to Manager and moved to the East Hampton store (which sold Sedutto Icecream and Kathleen’s Cookies — a deadly combination).  I paid my part of college expenses by working at and managing Sedutto in the summer and then by selling homemade cookies during the college year.

The list of things I did and the things that interested me and pulled at me goes on and on.  Every job or business that I’ve ventured into has had something in it that I enjoyed.  It didn’t matter whether I was working with money or kids or music or security systems or cosmetics.   But you can’t become great at something if you are always being pulled in a different direction.

Yet, as I write these words, I recognize that my inquisitiveness and my desire to learn and grow and try new things has also been a gift.  I am the epitome of the Gal Friday.  I have a tremendous number of skills and talents that I have developed through the years and shared with others.  So,  as I move through the middle years of life, I finally realize that the curse I just knew hampered my success was actually a blessing.

Now, it’s time to work at becoming great.  As I pick up my pen to focus on writing and Sure Action, I feel peace and sadness as I let other things settle into a smaller place in my life.  Crossroads aren’t easy.  They are not meant to be, but they help shape our life and declare who we are becoming.

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